December 13 , 2005 | Vol. 2 Issue 10
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Archive of past issues, hurricane news, funky links, odds and ends — not quite a site map, but enough to navigate your way around.
Bob Mayo’s CHS site contains links to other CHS-related sites, along with plenty of individual information.
July 20, 1969
Our playgrounds were beaches, rivers, and orange groves. Going to the Big City meant a run over to Orlando’s Steak ’n Shake or Ronnie’s, on Colonial. Remember Florida before air conditioning? Or how it felt waiting for the bus when the mosquito control spray planes fogged the whole county? Say, wasn’t that...DDT?
For us, the rockets red glare and bombs bursting in air most likely meant another launch that went haywire, ending up with someone hitting the destruct button and another million bucks of rocket up in smoke. The eyes of the world were on us — and life was great.
There seems to be no end to the delight taken by acquaintances around the country in sending along the latest popular humor relating to the impact hurricanes have been having on our state as of late.
Sharp-eyed readers will recognize this variation of my Fort Plywood headline posted last year, which was inspired by Charley’s pending impact on the local Blockbuster video store.
The put-up take-down cycle of structural sheathing would continue throughout 2005, as Florida, Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana, and Texas got walloped in varying degrees from July through October.
What we can say with certainty is the after Katrina’s assault, any doubts as to what the National Hurricane Center’s oft repeated warnings of storm surge destruction actually means have been thoroughly dispelled. Just ask Biloxi.
So we bring this year to a close with a short collection of the best of the submissions, with the hope that next year (already predicted as being not quite the equal of ’05, but that in itself is cold comfort) arrives without the excitement of the past two and leaves minus the drama.
If any of the expressions are familiar, well, we understand.
You Might Be A Floridian If...
You have more than 20 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer. (Ed. note: let us not forget, automobiles are excellent sources of temporary air conditioning, and the radios within are vastly superior to WalMart’s $5.99 “storm special” AM-FM throwaway.)
The freezer in your garage is full of homemade ice. (Ed. note: ice contained in salvaged gallon water jugs is excellent for easy transport, and for refrigerating the non-functional refrigerator, in itself a source of warm memories rekindled by flashback references to such early 20th century conveniences as the “ice box.”)
You flinch when you’re introduced to a person named Charley, Frances or Ivan.
You find yourself dropping words like "Millibar" and "Convection"
Your pantry contains more than 10 cans of Spaghetti Os.
Making coffee on your propane grill does not seem like an odd thing
You’re thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood
When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has
You’re on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.
You’re delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of unleaded.
The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.
You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of
You have the number for FEMA on your speed dialer.
You own more than three large coolers.
You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel
Three months ago you couldn’t hang a shower curtain; today you can
You catch a 5-pound catfish- In your driveway.
You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner’s
At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest
You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.
There’s a roll of tar paper in your garage.
You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who
Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.
Relocating to North Dakota doesn’t seem like such a crazy idea. (Ed. note: one of my media reps takes huge delight in e-mailing me accounts of what it’s like in the midst of the current blizzard/sub-arctic conditions in South Dakota. Says he’s got plenty of firewood for much beloved minus six temperature spurts.)
And finally, one I thought I’d toss in:
Everyone on the street knows who’s got the new chainsaw. (I just replaced my trusty Craftsman with an uber horsepower Stihl model.)